The Challange
by Britz
Summary: Hey hey it's a challange fic! Set around 52, first pretty short chapter is my usual script crap but I feel oddly proud of the 2nd chapter, which is pretty much compleltely unrelated to the 1st, a helping of romance in here, R/T fan's will hate this, it's


Britz- This fan-fic is dedicated to Douglas Adams 1952-2001, the man, the writer, the cult icon, so long Doug, and thanks for all the fish.  
  
Disclaimer-it ain't mine don't you know, nothing is, not a dime to my name and a stone for my pillow (slight exageration there.) I don't own Animorphs, any guest evil people and Bruce was created in the collective consciousness of all Aussie men.  
  
Okay heres the thing- Yes this fic was written for a challange set out by Anicat 111 with these terms-  
  
1-Someone must kick someone else in the butt  
2-Someone must say, "whaassup!!! Want some beer?"  
3-One of the Animorphs must go insane.  
4-Visser Three (that is One now) must switch places with someone.  
  
Now that this is known to you read and enjoy...........Well okay just read, and make sure to review!!  
  
chapter 1. THE CHALLANGE  
  
(Scene:Jake, Marco and Tobias are sitting round Jakes little Hork-Bajir hut talking)  
  
Tobias-So I says to this Golden eagle I says, 'Buddy, you'd better step off'  
  
Marco-Dude! No way, you told him to step off?!  
  
Tobias-Yep, true story, true story, course then he screeched at me, then tried to eat me, so I morphed to Hork-Bajir. He got a few good hits in but I still feel I won the fight.  
  
(then with a sudden, plot-rendering noise the phone rings)  
  
Jake-I'll get it *picks up the phone* a-hoy-hoy. *listening* hey, what is it?  
  
Marco-Who is it Jake? Huh? Huh? Who is it?  
  
Jake-*on phone* Yes well I see why your'e ringing us, thats quite a good idea.  
  
Marco-What's a good idea Jake? Who is it Jake? Whats going on Jake?  
  
Jake-*on phone* Well nows as good a time as any I guess, met you when?  
  
Marco-Met about what Jake? Whats going on? it's a good time for what Jake? Why have we got a phone inside a hut in an undeveloped Hork-Bajir colony Jake? Huh Jake huh?  
  
Jake-*on phone* could you just hang on a sec? *to Marco* WILL YOU SHUT UP YOU UGLY GIT!!! *Jake kicks Marco in his butt, right in the butt, you can cross number one off the list, Marco goes flying and crashes through the coffee table.*  
  
Marco-OW! Someone's PMSing.  
  
Jake-*back on phone* Okay we'll be there soon as possible, bah-bye *hangs up* alright guys we gotta go round up the others and get rolling kay?  
  
Tobias-Why Jake? What's going down?  
  
Jake-We're gonna meet Erek at the spooky old abandoned warehouse downtown, thats where we will receive further plot developments.  
  
*one gathering of others and flight to spooky old abandoned warehouse later, at the spooky old abandoned warehouse with Erek, the Animorphs and (pfft) Ax*  
  
Erek-Whaassup!!! want some beer? *number 2, take note*  
  
Marco, Tobias and Rachel-Yeah sure!!  
  
Jake-No guys were here to fight Yeerks and you're all underage.  
  
Marco, Tobias and Rachel-*stick out there toungues and make various rude hand gestures at Jakes back*  
  
Jake-So what is it Erek?  
  
Erek-Well I have found out that this building is being used by the Yeerks, they're using it to shuttle human controllers from Earth to the Yeerk pool on the Mother-ship, If you could stop their little operation it would be a servere blow to the Yeerks, many would die off.  
  
Jake-Wow...........That's actually a decent plot-line and explanation  
  
Cassie-Really the last thing we expected.  
  
Rachel-Let's do it!! Let's go kick Yeerk butt!!! *starts morphing to grizzly bear*  
  
Jake-Now now Rachel, I think we should come up with a plan, maybe morph something small and check the place out before we go all Rambo and start busting up the place okay? Now first order of business is...HEY! Where's Rachel gone?  
  
Others-*realise Rachel has morphed and run into the building anyway* oh shit *all except Erek run after her*  
  
(Scene:inside the warehouse)  
  
Rachel-*in grizzly morph throwing around controllers like.........Some sort of small, easyly through around things* HA! HA! HA! Come on bring it! Bring it!!  
  
Marco-Oh good she's going for a more subtle approach this time.   
  
Erek-*run's inside* Guy's I don't want to alarm you but the Blade ship is headed straight towards us at this very moment!!  
  
Tobias-AHHHHHHH!!! BLADE SHIP!!!! That's it man! We're done for man!! Game over man! GAME OVER!!! *starts flying all over the place* Eiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jake-Tobias, dude what are you doing?  
  
Tobias-Going insane, reckon that'll cut it for number 3?  
  
Cassie-I don't think so  
  
Marco-Yeah your heart just wasn't in it  
  
Tobias-Alright we'll leave that one open for now.  
  
(suddenly the roof opens up and the blade ship starts flying through  
  
Jake-YAH! Leadership abilities failing me, don't know what to do...Ax little help, say something!!  
  
Ax-*recovers from shock of hearing his name in one of my fan-fics, gets ready to talk for first time in so very very long*-...*is crushed to death by Blade ship landing on him*  
  
(ship door opens, smoke pours out and creepy music plays)  
  
Marco-This is so very much the opposite of good.  
  
Voice from the ship-G'day mates  
  
(out slids a fat guy in shorts and a hawaii shirt clutching a VB (real Aussie beer) in his beefy fist )  
  
Jake-Who the hell are you?!  
  
Fat guy-*strong Australian accent* The Yeerk name's Ecchi-Ecchi 999132 shebangs-shebangs 55.3 and 1 quarter but me friends call me Bruce, I'm standin' in for me second cousin Visser One while he takes a little "Visser One time".  
  
Jake-What? Where's Visser Thr..Uh One?  
  
Bruce-He's under alot of stress so he's taking a little break at the 'Rancho Relaxo resort and health-spa for very evil people'.  
  
*flash to the 'Rancho Relaxo resort and health-spa for very evil people' where Visser One and Hitler are sitting in a spa talking*  
  
Visser One-*to Hitler* ..So I says to this guy I says, 'hey buddy, that's no new host body, that's my wife!! *burst out laughing* see ain't that a good one? Hee hee ha!  
  
Hitler-*unimpressed* Uh-huh, *strong German accent-* vhere are ze chicks? You said dere would be chicks.  
  
Visser One-Keep your shirt on, so come on don't you think that's a good one?  
  
Hitler-Nine  
  
Visser One-What's that? Out of ten you mean? *suddenly a woman gets into the spa*  
  
Woman-Heeello boys  
  
Visser One-Martha Stewert? What are you doing at the 'Rancho Relaxo resort and health-spa for very evil people'?  
  
Martha Stewert-Never you mind boys, though if anyone asks I was never here.  
  
*flash back to the Animorphs and Bruce*  
  
Marco-Umm okay then, so what? Are you gonna try and kill us?   
  
Bruce-Why would I do that mates? It wouldn't be a representation of Aussie mateship and it sounds like alot of hard work both would ruin my sterotyped Aussie image.  
  
Rachel-Well I guess.....We should probaly........Ummm.....Well I guess no violent battle, no fun for Rachel, let's get going.*morphs back to human*  
  
Jake-Yep let's get going.  
  
Bruce-Hey wait a sec, since were all here, LETS PARTY!! Hey legions of Hork Bajir start breaking out the beer.  
  
Marco, Rachel and Tobias-"Woo-hoo! BEER!!" *they run to the growing pile of enormus crates of beer.  
  
Marco-Hang on what is all this? VB's? what the hell brands are these?   
  
Bruce-Well when I got the job I brought along some REAL beer from Australia with me, I mean your American beer is like having sex in a canoe.  
  
Tobias-Umm, why is American beer like having sex in a canoe?  
  
Bruce-It's fucking close to water! Come on let's party!!  
  
Animorphs-*all start chugging down beer* WOOO!!! YEAH!!  
  
*the Animorphs and Bruce start partying down with all the Taxon, Hork-Bajir and human controllers*  
  
Britz-*narrating* and thus they did party down all night and day getting more and more smashed some people say they are still partying down to this very day and will do so for eternity, or until the beer runs out whichever comes first.  
  
****THE MERCIFUL END****  
  
Bruce-Wait one flamin' minute mate.  
  
Britz-What? What is it?  
  
Bruce-Well you ain't finished the challange mate, you left number 3 open didn't ya?  
  
Britz-Oh damn, your right mate...Well guess I'll keep on keeping on then, thanks mate.  
  
Bruce-Maaaaaate!  
  
Britz-Maaaaaaaaaaate!  
  
Bruce-Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaate!  
  
Britz-Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate!  
  
Bruce-So what you doing mate?  
  
Britz-I'm writing this fic mate.  
  
Bruce-Oh right.  
  
Voice-*spelling* D-I-C-K-H-E-A-D-S DICKHEADS!! (joke based on Aussie ad there, lets get on with it shall we?)  
  
chapter 2. THE MORNING AFTER (3rd person here)  
  
When Marco woke up the next, he was naked, very hung-over and very confused, he inspected his surroundings, which just added to his confusion, it appeared to be a hotel room, cheap-looking and it appeared to have been trashed, none of this sparked his sleep-adled memory though.  
  
Marco sat on the edge of the bed he had been lying in trying to remeber any sort of vague recoliction of last nights events, he sat there until he felt the over-whelming urge to vomit, at which point he ran off to the bathroom and did so.  
  
Unfortuantly his brief trip did not leave him with any answers only more question's such as the lucritive 'when did I eat that?' He walked back to the bed hopped in, and that was when he realised that there was someone lying next to him in the disheveled sheets.  
  
"Oh God, what, or rather more apropriate, who did I do last night?" He muttered, Marco was sweating bullets, he wasn't a homophobic guy, but he had it up to the top of his admittedly short body height with the number of homosexual relationships writers insisted on putting him in, and the fact he had been smashed beyond reason last night did not help with his chances he figured.  
  
He pulled at the sheets, closing his eye's, who laid there he wondered, was it Jake? Tobias in human morph? Ax's crushed dead body? he opened his eyes, below him lay Rachel's beautiful naked body, Marco's memories of last night came back to him with stereo sound in full colour in a zooming Adults Only rush.  
  
First to the race out of Marco's mouth was a "Phew!" Of absoulute relief, then his eye's wided, his pulse quicked and out came a "WOO-HOO!!" As he realised what had acctually taken place between him and Rachel, then Rachel began to wake and Marco let out an "eep!" Which seemed strangely out of place with the other two but this was a sound of another realisation within Marco's now wide-awake brain, the realisation that Rachel was going to Kick. His. Ass.  
  
He was right, Rachel woke up and saw Marco staring down at her naked body with a mixture of abjact terror and frank appreciation, she jumped up, wrapped her fingers around his throat and slammed his sqealing body into the wall so hard that spider web cracks formed all around him.  
  
"YOU WEASEL!!! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!" She screamed, punctuating every sentence with a fresh slam for Marco.  
  
"Now now we were both very drunk" Marco reasoned with all the calmness he could muster. "beside's you seemed to enjoy it a lot at the time."  
  
"WHAT!!!???!!!" Rachel pulled Marco away from the wall and threw him across the room with a strength born of pure rage.  
  
"AHHHHH!!!" Marco flew through the air and landed with a thump, "Okay that was probaly the wrong time to say that" Marco picked up a chair and held it in the fasion of a ring-leader training lions to protect himself "now Rachel, please, lets be reasonable about this." He begged her.  
  
Rachel growled, a very distrubing thing to hear and with one swipe turned the chair Marco had been holding into nothing but kindling.  
  
"Okay, guess reasoning isn't gonna cut it" Marco said to himself, him and his brain held a brief committee in his head as his body was backed up against the hotel rooms wall, the committee disposed with the normal formalities and got straight to trying to find a solution for Marco's current problem of having a mad-as-hell Rachel stalking towards him with the strength of ten men and the reasoning power of half a peanut, determined in causing Marco enormous pain while all his most tender bit's still hanging out, the committee both felt that the solution they came up with was incredabily stupied but either way it was Marco's only chance of surival.  
  
So Marco yelled out probally the only thing that could get through to Rachel in this situation, it wasn't 'Bloomingdales is having a sale' or 'Tobias is dead' both powerful nukes just not powerful enough to get through, no rather Marco yelled "Rachel! I can see your boobies!!"  
  
Rachel paused, through off by this comment, then looked down at her body, as if re-noticing her nakedness "Oh my GOD!!!" She looked around desperatally for something to cover herself up with "No peeking Marco!!!" She pulled the sheets off the bed and starting making herself a make-shift toga.  
  
Now that Marco felt his chances for surviving the next few minutes had slighty increased, some of his usual cockiness returned he leaned back onto the wall "Night of your dreams right Rachel babe? Hee hee"  
  
"Shut the hell up Marco!!! And do you even realise your all hanging right now?" She asked Marco, eyes drawn to his naked body.  
  
"GAH!" Marco yelled he whipped open a nearby drawer and pulled out he hotel rooms bible to cover his most private part up with, a move which in "the bible" section of Fanfiction.net would get me burned to a crisp by holy-roller flames, he did as best he could and when his eyes flicked back to Rachel, he was sure he saw a flicker of lust and passion on her face, a look he recognized from the many times he had seen it last night, but then it disapeared replaced with a far calmer looking Rachel.  
  
Rachel certainly did feel a lot calmer now, she couldn't decided weather this was one of the worst days of her life or a dream come true, an inner battle raged on, "God, what did we do last night and how many times did we do it?"  
  
Marco was surprised at her calmness to say the least but still cockiness won through "well I believe you can can guess at what happened, how many?" Marco paused to think about this "well if my now-treased memory serves me right I believe it would be hmmm seven times."  
  
"Seven times?" Rachel gasped in disbelief, while inside her, a battle stopped it's raging, a dam burst, her memories flooded back, realisations about her and Marco's history were made and.....A decision was made for their future.  
  
"Seven times huh? Tobias would fall asleep half-way through."  
  
"Umm, didn't need to know that," Marco told her.  
  
"Kiss me you fool" and before he could say another word Rachel grabbed Marco, hauled him onto the bed, she kissed him long and deep. She flicked back her hair and jumped on top of Marco, they both knew the time was now, they both knew this WAS the ultimate turning point, they were went for each other. They kissed again and again, passion growing, lust at breaking point.  
  
There was a knock at the door.  
  
"Oh DAMMIT! I've got you all to myself, I'm not smashed this time and this is 'the ultimate god-damn turning point', so there's a knock at the bloody door!!" Rachel screeched in distaste as the knocking evouled in angry banging.  
  
"Uh, how about I get it?" Marco asked, he drew him self away regretfully, meanwhile the banging increased in tempo.  
  
RACHEL! OPEN THE DOOR IMMEDIANTLY!!! I KNOW YOU AND MARCO ARE IN THERE!!!! Tobias screamed from the other side of the door.  
  
"Who is it?" Marco asked him, stalling.  
  
YOU KNOW BLOODY WELL IT'S ME TOBIAS!!! STEAL MY GIRL WILL YOU?!!?  
  
"Hey Tobias, how are you knocking on the door? I mean you are a bird after all." Marco.  
  
Never you mind!! Oh that's it!! I'm morphing and coming in after your scrawny ass!!! Tobias yelled back  
  
"His ass is not scrawny!!!" Rachel yelled back   
  
"Ahh thanks honey, but maybe I should handle this" Marco told her.  
  
"What do you think your doing Tobias?" Rachel yelled at the door anyway.  
  
I"M GOING INSANE!!!!!!!!!! Was his reply.  
  
"Look Tobias I'm sorry if I hurt you but I'm with Marco now," she gazed lovingly at Marco and then continued "Me and you Tobias, it would never work out, we have to many issue's, when we go on dates you pass up fooling around for bird-watching, you have a disturbingly close relastionship with Ax, which you know is already like eww, and he's also your uncle so like eww squared y'know"  
  
Umm, is he better than me in...Y'know.....THAT department? Tobias asked, downtrodden.  
  
"Much more so," Rachel told him "and he cuddles afterwards."  
  
THAT'S IT!!!!! Tobias thought-screeched, the door blew inwards, shrapnel flying through the air, he lumbered in, a huge mountain of white fur, Tobias had truely gone insane, he had morphed to polar bear and was mad as hell, he pointed one of his railroad-spike claws straight at Marco's naked body. YOU'RE A DEAD MAN MARCO!!! his thought-speak was like a rumbling earth-quake.  
  
Marco gently pushed Rachel into the corner, away from Tobias path of devestation, "bring it on bird-boy." He told Tobias straight to his snarling polar bear face.  
  
With a roar made up both of thought-speak and pure polar-bear rage Tobias charged, at the last second Marco dived aside, straight through the window, shattering glass rained around him as he crashed to the ground, he hurt all over but quite frankly he was just glad that none of the glass had cut him in his more tender areas, he just got up and ran for all he was worth, seconds later Tobias hit the ground, cracking it all around him, his eye's were still locked on Marco's escaping form.  
  
That morning early-rising joggars were treated with a very rare sight, a giant polar bear stampeding through the streets of where ever the hell the Animorphs live, hot in pursuit of a running naked boy who appeared, strangely enough, to be changing shape as he ran.  
  
"Well there's something you don't see every-day" commented one middle-aged woman as Marco ran past, sprouting hair all over his body, pursued by a raging polar bear.  
  
"Yeah that guy had some seriously hairy balls." Noted her husband, and the couple jogged on.  
  
Meanwhile Marco leaped up a flight of stairs, finishing off his morph,bounding up the steps, he got to a platform at the top and stop running, he span around, sunlight glinted down at him and in the background, music from 'Rocky' played.  
  
Marco had not gone to his usual gorilla morph, he remebered the North pole where they aquired the beast that Tobias was at the moment, no he had gone for power in it's purest form, a horrorifying creature, claws that could tear a man, iron jaws filled to bursting-point with teeth of purest white, sharper than steak knives, muscle apon muscle apon muscle, a bulked-up package filled with enough energy to fight for days without rest, by-far the most fearsome morph he had.  
  
Marco was a perfect copy of a foot-and-a-half-long toy poodle named Euclid.  
  
Tobias reached the top of the stairs, saw Marco's morph and stalked closer, and closer. The poodle that was now Marco raised himself into the famous pose forever know as the pose from "The Karate Kid" movie.  
  
Tobias bought his polar bear jaws inches from Marco's muzzle and snorted, you got gut's Marco, let's see what they look like. Tobias thought he had this fight won, but he had never felt the awsome strength of the toy-poodle from the inside, he didn't know of it's astounding abilities. So Tobias raised his fearsome paw like a guillotine, and when it started it's downward trip, that's when Marco struck.  
  
Within a space of seconds Tobias had his head kicked in the jaw with a fearsome low kick from Marco, his polar bear neck snapped back, then Marco hit him hard and fast with his fierce claws, Tobias's blood pumped across his white fur, by the time Tobias's paw swiped down, it hit nothing but air.  
  
It was a fearsome fight, fighting tooth and claw, neither gaining any advantage in the situation, it was hit for hit and both just keep going and going in a style that would have made the energizer bunny proud. This could of gone on for hours, except something happened to tilt the fight.  
  
Rachel arrived at the scene.  
  
She was not in morph as something to take down the raging Tobias, she was just herself, she'd tracked them through the city, and just stood their still in her make-shift toga, which choose this moment, to slip off.  
  
Rachel stood their, butt-naked, and so when Marco glanced over at her, that glance stayed rooted in spot, he panted and stared in the way of the teenage horn-dog stage that men never really grow out of, completely forgetting his surroundings, about Tobias, and even his own name.  
  
Tobias however was not affected in such a fasion, he had spent WAAAAAAY to much time as a bird, he lined up his most powerful punch yet, and let it fly.  
  
There was a bone crunching THUMP and Marco's toy-poodle morph flew through the air, thudding and rolling on the ground, broken bones all over, half-dead.  
  
Marco might have died that day, Rachel started to morph but even she knew she'd be to late, Tobias charged towards Marco ready to finish the job, Marco gathered himself up as best he could but it was all redundent, all pointed towards Marco imminent death, except for one factor, a wild-card if you will.  
  
A plot-hole.  
  
From the hole stepped a little kid, seven or eight at the most, "I'll save you super-dog!" He cried, there was nothing a one puny kid could do surely. Right?  
  
Wrong, for the kid threw Marco a weapon with all his might, it wasn't much of a weapon but it could do the job, and it was brimming with sybolism.  
  
It was a slingshot.  
  
Marco spotted it and caught it with split-second poodle reflex's, he loaded in a rock, and let it fly all in one fluid movement and it flew straight and true through the air as Tobias loomed above on his hind legs.  
  
The stone entered through Tobias's left eye and lodged in his brain, Marco scampered away with his poodle speed seconds before fifteen hundred pounds of insane, jealous ex-boyfriend hit the dust where he had just been standing.  
  
Marco morphed back then he and Rachel shared a kiss of inflamed passion.  
  
"Hey kid, thanks!" Marco yelled at the little kid "you really saved my ass there."  
  
"Yeah" Rachel agreed, "If there's anything we can do to repay you...." She trailed off.  
  
"Well you could take your top off again" The little kid suggested to Rachel.  
  
"Why you little!!" Marco shouted at him and ran towards the kid.  
  
"YAAAH!!" Yelled the kid, who then ran back through the plot-hole and disapeared.  
  
"You shouldn't have been so hard on him, he saved your life there"Rachel told Marco.  
  
"Yeah well, I'll send him a card." Marco replied. They kissed again, long and hard, then walked off arm in arm, ready to begin their new life together.  
  
****The true-blue merciful end****  
  
Britz-Man that last chapter was so beautiful, and so completely un-related to the first chapter, eh what'cha gonna do? Review it already, before I sob, I actually are swelling with pride here, very uncomman feeling *the tears start rolling* NO! Don't look at me *sniff* just review it now.   



End file.
